Pre-Fall news items

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Pre-Fall news items

So I started working on a Pre-Fall campaign for new players, to introduce them to the background without 'all that reading'. (Yeah, I know.) So part of my thing is figuring out news blurbs to insert in downtimes to provide said background and immersion. I'll keep adding to it as I come up with my list of 100, so if you guys want to appropriate any of it, feel free.

And here we go....

1. (Visuals of people doing vaguely exciting things around Earth, low orbit, and the Jovian system) "The US Army - protecting America. Protecting the Earth. Protecting the stars. Join today."

2. (Visuals of a Flat, clearly in declining health, signing something with a smile on his face, a flyby shot of a Venusian aerostat, techy backgrounds, ending with a shot of what looks like the same man in an Olympian morph with the exact same facial features, smiling) "At Valdasur Mining, a three year contract doesn't just mean a new job or a new planet, it means a new you. Apply today."

3. "Weebo News today learned that Egypt has closed it's borders with the Sudanese Caliphate and has moved troops to reinforce the Aswan Dam, citing 'terroristic threats' and 'a breakdown in order'. No official statement from the Caliphate."

4. "Today the ICS Crystal Wind, the first extrasolar colony ship, celebrated it's 10th year in flight with announcement of a special lotttery of 100 extra seats, open to all in the solar system. The BSE Corporation, which is the owner of the Crystal Wind, announced that contest rules and entry forms will be available after contacting Wilson Kaulung Marketing of Mars, and will be drawn on the 11th anniversary of the flight. Winners must make their own travel accomodations. Their trip is expected to last 800 years."

5. "The Russian government today said it expected to find no survivors of what has been called a 'containment failure' at a Lukos antimatter facility in Mercurian orbit. No casualty figures have been given, and no Lukos representative was available for comment."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

6. "In his Easter Address Sunday, Pope Gelasius III wished again for peace of the world, and again implored the faithful to 'reject the fear of death' as he reiterated the Church's opposition to the practice of 'resleeving'. The Catholic Church considers the practice to be suicide. Pope Gelasius made these remarks in advance of an anticipated Papal Bull said to be titled In Vitam."

7. "The finest in adult XP! Professionally shot real people! No sims! Buy one get 10 free! Something for everyone! Say more for details!"

8. "Adult star Holly Hannah today testified again that she is, in actuality, 46 years old and therefore should not have been charged under old child pornography laws. She made these remarks in front of the US Seventh Appeals Court. Prosecutors charged her and her video production company after she began using a 'Neotenic' body under the line of 'Little Holly' XP. After an initial court victory, Hannah countersued after the reveal, claiming lost revenue. Experts are divided over any potential revenue loss. Her lawyer has also filed misconduct charges against the Prosecutor, Eric Nguyen, claiming he misused statutes to file charges."

9. "In a speech presented at the Intersystem Robotics Congress on Mars, Doctor Martin Standish pointed to what he referred to as 'an increased amount of unrestricted autonomy in artifical intelligences' as a key warning sign against the development of artificial super intelligences. He cited events in Vietnam and Britain over the last year where intelligences were claimed to have deviated from their programming. Keynote speakers at the event downplayed his concerns, noting that there was no reported loss of life from any ASI events reported anywhere in the solar system. "We have good controls in place, and as we gain more experience, those controls continue to be refined," according to Kai Zaraketira, Chief Intelligence Director of Cognite."

10. "Municipal elections in northern India were suspended for the weekend, with officials citing 'directed attacks against election machinery' in Uttar Pradesh. Critics of the ruling Samajwadi Party claimed that no such attacks happened, and the suspension was timed to disrupt voting drives by opposition parties."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

11. "The Uplift Rights Society today filed charges in the UN Court against Radi Development today, claiming that illegal experiments were conducted on Norwegian soil on neo-gorillas and neo-dolphins. Radi Development spokesmen replied that any such experiments were done with full waivers of the individuals and offworld, and therefore out of juristiction of the Court."

12. "The military today denied reports that Homeland Security nanoswarms had been hacked. Independant journalists claimed to have footage of swarms forming arrows pointing towards holes in the southern security zone. An XP of one swarm has gone viral."

13. "Vo Nguyen Warriors officials today claimed a mishandled backup procedure was responsible for an assault on a store clerk on Rememberance by a Warriors linebacker. Two weeks ago, Dinh Nung Ngo was charged with assault on the clerk after an altercation inside the Heaven's Wave store. Team officials also downplayed the news that it was Ngo's seventh backup since he joined the team 12 years ago, claiming that the backup system in place was perfectly safe and they looked forward to him serving out the rest of his 25 year contract without incident."

14. "Silver City Council members today voted 13-1 for a contract with Shaw Industries to buy the city's first cornucopia machine, citing overwhelming resident support and long term infrastructure cost reduction as reasons for the vote. The lone dissenter, Shirley MacAdams, said that the increase in residential rates represented an unreasonable burden on residents in her district. Finalization of the contract is expected in a few weeks, with delivery early next year."

15. "Pop star/actress Galina Verednova today got her 3 billionth XP follower, her agent claimed in a press release. Verednova has been a fixture in music since the release of her first album, Right To The Moon, Alice five years ago."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

16. "Billy and the Clonesaurus creators Skinthetic today announced that the game will become available on Titan, after some brief protests by activists caused government officials to question children's safety playing the game. Skinthetic officials praised the government for it's 'timely and respectful' handling of the matter and looked forward to what they predicted are large numbers of users of the children's game."

17. "A local resident's smart cat was found today in a Toronto airport, posters on the IFoundIt forums claimed. The cat was reported missing four days ago to local police. The initial missing report on IFoundIt with a reward attached resulted in a large number of tracking reports, and the cat was found less than four hours after the initial posting. According to police, this is the third time the cat has been reported missing in a two year period, but the first time it was found outside city limits. Officials would not speculate on why the cat would repeatedly go missing."

18. "A man accused of using the cover of an AR game to rob a medical supply shop was sentenced to five years of confinement and labor yesterday. William Hopkins was accused of using software hacks on a Zombie Zombie server to deceive players into breaking into the store. The game had a permit, police said, and they anticipated no further trouble as long as the permit applicants understood increased scrutiny of their software was a natural consequence of the robbery. Hopkins' lawyer would not speculate on a future appeal."

19. "The Balderbrothers Design Company on Mars today unveiled a new 'morph', which they claimed is designed for high altitude work on Mars. As part of the unveiling, they also announced that famed climber Lars Sjofgren would attempt a solo climb of Olympus Mons without gear using the morph. It is expected to be available in six months for public sale."

20. "If your cooker's on the fritz/Or your servbot gives you fits/Use the service techs at Blitz! Blitz Repairs, located on 35th and Gardiner."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

21. "Activists today sprayed the French Minister of Finance with a substance later determined to be whipped cream, reports indicate. Three people have been arrested and charged with terroristic threats. Police would not speculate on how the activists got modified freezers into the Mainz Assembly Hall, where the Minister was to give a speech on new job figures. No one has claimed credit yet for the assault."

22. "Mavens of high culture decended on New York today in anticipation of the opening of another design season. Most anticipated are new smart clothes from the new Titanian design shop Wunderkinds."

23. "The government today reported 8% unemployment. You know that's bullshit. And you know that's bullshit because The Bullshit Crew gave you the real numbers. Support The Bullshit Crew now with five credits a month and continue to get the numbers the suits won't tell you."

24. "The Supreme Court today ruled that private use of spimes to track people is not a violation of the Fourth Amendment. In a 9-0 decision, Chief Justice Rowena Halavanti noted that spimes, being public installations, are implicitly points of public information, without restriction of any data they provide. The ruling is a victory for the bounty hunters in the case of Masson v. Inato, where Inato's family charged that public data was used illegally. A disappointed coalition of law enforcement members and privacy advocates noted that the Court has routinely expanded the definition of sousveillance to the detriment of public order."

25. "Tomorrow's fashion today! We've got all the blueprints you need, at the prices you want! Lithosphere!"

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Eperogenay Eperogenay's picture
26. "Is there going to be a

26. "Is there going to be a new debate over our Pod workers? New line of Artificial Intelligence dubbed Surrogate Simulation Employee (SuSiE) has just finished beta testing and is ready to meet the deadline for new 'Ayah' type pod's kickstarter campaign! Machine Psychologists and Medical Experts all over the globe are voicing concerns that SuSiE's programming, based on standard open-source AutoDoc libraries, lacks the empathic subroutines needed in delicate interpersonal work that's the promised purpose of the new line. The Open-Mind-Collective, group behind this daring croud funding project has yet to release a statement about the possible changes within the programming. Several local jurisdictions had already reached for legal advice regarding the project and it's ramification in personal healthcare assistance."

(Was that good enough?)

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Works for me.

I'll keep adding mine with my numbers on them, but anything thrown in here's a good thing, in my book. More people generally means better ideas. Thanks!

The dog ate my signature

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

26. "A reminder. Catholic Charities Medical Trucks will be available in the [HOUSTON] area between the hours of [8:00 AM] and [6:00 PM] in the next two weeks for high priority services. To schedule an appointment, send a reply to [CCMT] at least 48 hours in advance. Be aware that appointments are limited. Walk up services are taken on an as-need basis."

27. "Food riots eruped in the northern Chicago metroplex today, as hundreds of residents protested the unscheduled closing of several dozen government shops. Officials say that transport delays mean they will be closed until further notice."

28. "West African rebels today claimed responsibility for a small nuclear detonation in the city of Port Nolloth in South Africa that killed over 500 people. Both Namibia and South Africa immediately mobilized troops into the area to handle evacuations. Early reports indicate that at least three Cabinet officials in the South African government were killed in the blast, although there is no confirmation yet from officials."

29. "In today's high tech world, the high tech man is king. Bradley's Implants offer you the finest selection of custom fitted implants to fill your every need. Bradley's also offers payment plans wtih no interest for qualified buyers. If you want to be more than you can be, you'll see Bradley's!"

30. "JobsMesh ALERT - Emstone Restaurant Services are currently seeking employees to fill 35 positions. Applicants must undergo credit and criminal checks, and be over the age of consent in your state. Send resume to Emstone Restaurant Services."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

31. "Famed Los Angeles restaurant Filigree today made headlines as they announced that synthmorps and robots will no longer be allowed inside the restaurant. Making the announcement, owner Manny Machado noted that, having no need to eat or drink, artificial humans were not profitable customers. The ACLU promised an immediate lawsuit in a statement. Filigree is now the 36th restaraunt nationwide to enact such a policy, and there are currently a number of lawsuits pending in US courts."

32. "In today's political news, Nebraska Senator and Progressive Party presidential candidate Naomi Fillis promised to introduce legislation banning so-called 'reputation' economic transactions in the US. In introducing the legislation, Senator Fillis described Outer System economics as 'theft and fame trading disguised as economics'. Titanian representatives contacted for comment said 'With all due respect, Senator Fillis's backwards and slanderous distortions of Outer System economics are badly reasoned and wrong.' Experts agree the legislation has little chance of passing out of committee."

33. "Save the world and save your brains! Zombie Zombie goes worldwide with the release of the Tastes Great With Butter expansion, available November 5! Sign up for a launch mission and get an exclusive avatar! A NomNom Production!"

34. "Houston Symphony Orchestra continues it's Classics of Classical series with their own 'Salute to Pharrell Williams'. Seating is still available. "

35. "Mental health experts from the AMA today released a report arguing that the new judicial use of 'cold storage' as a means of jailing long term criminals was leading to a large increase in mental illnesses among released inmates. The AMA has warned that recidivism is highly likely in mentally disturbed individuals."

The dog ate my signature

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

36. "German officials today announced the arrest of 41 individuals involved in the raid and looting of a backup facility last March. The announcement claimed that those arrested had planned to copy and sell the backups to unnamed hypercorps outside of Earth orbit. Officials did not provide any information on the number of backups missing or if any were recovered."

37. "Give your muse more room to roam in CognoTech's Z-112 Ectos! On sale now at local retailers!"

38. "The Arturo Group offers the finest simulspace habitats catering to the needs of families seeking long term care for ailing relatives. Allow them to live pain-free on our luxurious servers, with 24/7 visitation priviliges and a fully staffed care experience with licensed health professionals. Rates start as low as 1500 credits a month. Take a guided tour at our offices in downtown Houston."

39. "34 more children taken ill with the Asplin virus in the Ohio Valley area today, local health officials claimed. This brings the number of confirmed cases to 73. Officials warned residents to watch carefully for signs of the virus, including large pustules, persistant cough with fluids, and eye hemhorraging. Schools will be closed, and residents with children are urged to keep them indoors until the vector is confirmed."

40. "Record lows posted today across the European Consortium as residents huddled indoors. Paris reported an all time record of -43 degrees Celsius at 8:00 PM local time, shattering the old record as this cold snap continues into midweek."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

41. "Indian and Chinese troops clashed today near the site of China's new Gaghra Dam, which India claims is diverting water from it's impoverished northern territories. The Chinese government claimed it fought off an attack from Indian troops with minor damage to the Dam itself. No casualty numbers reported on either side. Iranian officials are expected to meet with both sides today in an attempt to calm the situation."

42. "A spacecraft detonated over Russia today in low Earth orbit. American officials claimed it to be a covert attack on an American installation in orbit that was repelled. Russian officials claimed to have no knowledge of the attack, and again noted that the installation in question is a mass driver. Russian President Viktor Ahkmirov annouced he will meet with President Barrow next month to discuss the presence of weapons of mass destruction over Russian soil."

43. "Robots are going missing at an increasing rate in Oregon, officials said. Speculation that a large scale criminal effort to steal them was downplayed, although officials did not rule out smaller rings being involved with a number of cases."

44. "Contract negotiations in the National Football League continue, with a sticking point being the Player's Union demanding a banning of exotic morphs in response to the Dallas Cowboys attempting to sign a player from Israel sleeved in a Fury. Cowboys Team President Jeremy Jones noted that the Collective Bargaining Agreement signed three years ago did not ban players from having extra limbs."

45. "An unknown pollutant caught fire today in Mexico City, vaporizing three city blocks and damaging more than one thousand buildings near the area. Cause of the fire and casualties are unknown."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont. (This is getting a lot harder)

46. "Your VPN protection is out of date. Blink yes to update." (Hint: Don't blink.)

47. "The Planetary Consortium today announced that it would not be issuing visas for noted suicide artist Pavel Ikrovich and his crew, citing morals clauses in live XP casts. Ikrovich is known for several dives from low planetary orbits around the solar system, only one of which he has survived."

48. "The Japanese XP reporter Hiroki Nayasumi has been missing for two weeks, family members said in a press conference today for supporters of Nayasumi's broadcasts. They claim that Nayasumi was enroute to report a live story from Cognite's Tokyo offices when his feed cut out and then disappeared. Cognite representatives said that the disappearance was distressing and they hoped he would be found in good health and able to do the story at another time."

49. "Ilse Sigurdsson, champion courier racer, refused to apologize to fans of the sport today for throwing her copilot out of the ship during the beginning of the 37th Mars-To-Mercury run, noting that the loss of the extra weight allowed her to break the previous system record by several minutes and that the copilot was never in any danger of death. Tom Nga, director of the Courier Racing Association, said the governing body was still deciding on an appropriate penalty."

50. "New Mumbai saved seven percent more water over last year, Mayor Nitendra Gupta said during the annual State of the City address, citing the installation of a new envrionmental control system devised by ExoTech. Gupta claimed The new administrative software makes better decisions than previous infolife supervisors, and the workforce reductions will also be felt next year in a tax cut."

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uwtartarus uwtartarus's picture
These are amazing. Really

These are amazing. Really cool stuff!

Exhuman, and Humanitarian.

Chrontius Chrontius's picture
I'd like to second the praise

I'd like to second the praise - I'm really enjoying the "daily headlines" feel here. The only way to make it more immersive might be to set up an RSS server, and publish it so it shows up alongside the rest of my news. :p

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Thank you all.

My original plan was 100 items for my small campaign (which I will eventually stick up here in another thread for everyone to point and laugh at), and let them experience them vignette style, so they can get just how....interesting.....the world of EP is without them having to read the material. And then, of course, if they read the material, bonus.

As it is, though, I'm really slowing down. I'm at 53 and taking a couple of days to cogitate. Never thought this would be the hard part until I started doing it.

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

51. "Your latest episode of Titanian Fashion Monthly is now available for download. Download fees will be automatically deducted from your authorized account."

52. "Citing a need for a fresh perspective, MarsCorp President Sanzir Orozco announced that his daughter, Romina, will become the next President of the conglomerate after his retirement at the end of the month. 'After 112 years leading the company, I felt a reduced role was the right thing to do for investors", remarked Orozco, 'I will still be on the board, but only in an advisory capacity. I look forward to a few decades of leisure.' MarsCorp stock closed up .01 percent on the announcement."

53. "50 million Americans have no mesh access. With a small donation to the Siemens Foundation, we can offer more Americans the mesh access they need. Donations are tax deductible."

54. "The head of the Martian Mining Union today announced that the recent strikes were over, adding that a contract had been signed between the MMU and Balan, the company targeted in the current strike. Paulus Oerffel claimed that the Union was forced to sign after Balan threatened to fork the egos of striking miners and offer the forks legal representation in court, which Oerffel said would have led to striking miners being killed if they were declared 'illegitemate egos' in a Consortium hearing. Balan representatives denied any such illegal activity, calling it 'a slanderous and fully actionable lie' and no comment was given by any Consortium officials asked about the case."

55. "Organs that glow are not welcome, declared top officials from all three Jovian powers, after the so-called 'scum barge' In Pursuit Of Liberty found it's way near Callisto en route to the Main Belt. The ship's captains made the announcement of the newly designed designer organs, to the interest of many and the horror of the various governments. In Pursuit Of Liberty is expected to leave range of Callisto in approximately three days."

The dog ate my signature

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

56. "Cardinal Mers Falunetti has resigned following the release of an anonymous XP purporting to show the fourth highest ranking Cardinal in the Catholic Church having sexual relations with a neo-octopi identified in the XP as one Thurston Hemingway. Hemingway is a licensed sex worker from Rome who neighbors and co-workers claimed hasn't been seen for some time."

57. "Sources are claiming that the uplift specialty company Somatek will be announcing the world's first uplifted elephant at the annual stockholders' conference call next Wednesday. Official confirmation of the rumor is still being sought."

58. "Pestalon News InstaPoll: Do you believe Ammar Roudin's claim that the actor was hacked at the Persephone Awards Show last week into attempting to sodomize a server bot with a breadstick, or not? One vote per account, please."

59. "In a press release today, Direct Action officers claimed they destroyed a small craft aimed at research facilities on Progress. The officers would not say what facilities were targeted or if anyone was identified in the attack, only saying that they would continue acting within the bounds of their contract with the parties on Progress that had retained them."

60. "In a close vote yesterday, North Dakota's state government became the last state in the United States to remove laws restricting the breeding rights for certain morphs. The laws had been on the books for 43 years. Last month's Supreme Court decision striking down such laws as unconsitutional were cited as a key reason for the repeal."

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Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

61. "Russian Army units today dispersed riots in Taillinn this morning, killing over 500 people, claimed aid organizers today. The protests were organized after the execution of Georgi Lavrov and ten others for the crime of owning and operating illegal cornucopia technology."

62. "Ultimo Bocado is pleased to announce that beginning in six months, we will be serving Europan razor eel in our establishment. Due to transportation issues, reservations should be made now. This announcement will be broadcast every shipment, for the convenience of our diners."

63. "Word comes from the group known as the Rioters that the spaceship Caleb Williams is now a museum and available for tours on the surface of Tethys, in the city of Godwinhead. Tethys first became famous for the discovery of an extinct species of flatworm three years ago by scientists in the city digging under the surface."

64. "The North Atlantic Consortium today announced that the population of Titan has passed two million."

65. "Farcasting is quick! It's also expensive as hell. If you're getting your ass to the Red Planet but don't have the funds to travel richrich, Quingjao Travels is offering a limited number of seats on the Mars cycler Lazy Eight as it comes back through. Contact your local travel bureau for details!"

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MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
#66 "Ares' Spear", the

#66 "Ares' Spear", the Martian Space Elevator, proudly celebrated its first hundred thousand hour of operation without incident. With the growing economy of Mars, and the success of the elevator, have speed up the process to select new sites for other elevators.

#67 The paramilitary company, known as the Ultimates are proud to announce that their 'urbem', has completed its longer journey to Neptune. This only further raises concern of this group, with their highly destructive raid into a Solami pirate base, and being listed as a 'hate group', by yet another watchdog group.

#68 The 8th Circuit Court in the United States is hearing arguments if cross species porngraphy between uplifted animals and humans, constitute beastilaity.

#69 Noted Futbol/Soccer star, Fabian Lopez, is in court with himself. Last year, Mr. Lopez was in a single engine aircraft, and was thought lost and presumed dead when it down over the Andes Mountain. Fabian Lopez was resleeved from his last back up after six months pasted. It turned out that Fabian Lopez manage to survive the crash but was held prisoner, as he found himself in a cocaine farm. He only recently manage to escape back to Mexico City, and now in court sueing himself to gain control over his life.

#70 The United States class New Hampshire Corvette, "Sacromento" is being moved into the Belt to bolster its claim over several large asteroids laden in radioactives. The US Companies working the sites, claimed that the, People's Republic of China doing field exercises near by have prevented supply ships from docking.

#71 "What happen in Vegas Stays in Vegas. Just leave your body in storage at any international areospace port, and resleeve in Vegas in a rented Morph. The whole process takes less then an hour. Have a fun guilt free weekend, and return home without ever feeling the effects of the weekend."

#72 "Scandal has broken out, when it was discovered that, Bridge Haken, CEO of 'Firm Tech' has not been personally doing his executive responsibilities, but his Muse has been making the decisions for the multibillion dollar company for at least 36 months."

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
I love these, and I'm stealing them.

:D

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ORCACommander ORCACommander's picture
System Shock 9 Open Beta to

System Shock 9 Open Beta to be released on Friday despite claims of it conducting unlicensed psychosurgery by the antagonist

MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
#73 Jupiter Mining

#73 Jupiter Mining Corporation held a press conference today, confirming speculations and fears that its super massive cargo hauler and ore processor, 'Red Dwarf', is lost. A catastrophic failure in handling uranium ore, has caused the entire ship to become radiated. The AI, 'Holly', a Cognight eighth generation Muse, has taken emergency measures and plotted a new course to take the ship out of Sol. JMC has promised to provided all the workers lost, with new bodies and full pay.

#74 Hacker Group, known as Anonymous, released images today showing substantial drydocks from the Russian Federation in their holding around Jupiter. Clearly showing total disregard for the none binding resolution of not militarizing Jupiter.

Observator Observator's picture
More!

#75 Synthetic Space Designs has reportedly suffered a break-in to their secure development servers sometime within the past week. Sources within the company, speaking on condition of anonymity, have stated that any intrusion would be of limited scope but some depth. Simultaneously, Anonymous has claimed responsibility for the hack of the isolated system, producing over 1.75 petabytes of files (including portions of several egos) to back up a claim of illegal generation and modification of forks for slave labor under time acceleration.

#76 The Singularity Institute for Artificial Intelligence today unveiled its latest foray into AI development. Code-named Project Wagner, the project has required over thirty years to make it to this point. After initial start-up and personality selection, the 'extra friendly' AI donned a persona it called MechaHitler and began spouting humanophobic slogans over the available wireless channels. The impassioned tirade lasted almost two hours, at which point the mobile mainframe it was housed in ran out of power and shut down. The Institute states that it intends to carefully review the editors of the settings files used for personality generation.

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
I know people are contributing, and I am grateful

I'm going to continue on with the 100 I have planned, so some numbers will undoubtedly be duplicated. It's not that I don't appreciate the work, I just want to personally see my 100 items through.

That being said, onward and upward....

66. "Attention. The government has currently restricted travel to [EMMONAK, ALASKA] until such time as mesh access and quarantine procedures are in place. Please be aware that we are working as quickly as possible to restore communications. Please direct all mesh inquiries to [DEPARTMENT OF INTERIOR SECURITY].

67. [Shaky XP vid of a deserted, backwater dirt road and cheap housing] Hello? Hello? If anyone can receive this cast, we need help! The whole fucking town's gone! Disap-[XP ends]

68. "In an ongoing probe, French officals today arrested Jean Mel-frise, a director of Electronic Communications, and charged him in relation to the embezzlement of appoximately 120 million credits from the national treasury. Mr. Carlos Aruza, who described himself as Mrs. Mel-frise's attorney, called the charges outrageous, as that figure is approximately 165 percent of the entire budget for the Electronic Communications branch of the government. The charges do not detail where the money came from, and prosecutors refused to comment until after the trial."

69. "Dr. Ann Leung, director of the group Blue Mars, will be testifying today in front of Martian officials about potential problems in planetary AI controls. Incidences of so-called 'wild artificials' have increased 12% over last year, with at least two deaths attributed to unowned machines."

70. "Denver police today issued a call to all families with missing persons or forks after a box was found on the southeast side containing 15 unlabeled cortical stacks. Police refused to identify any of the stacks, as they are waiting until all stacks are claimed by family or owners."

The dog ate my signature

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

71. "Nine. One. Three. Galena. Five. Two. Delta. Abraham. Four. Four. Seven. Comply."

72. "Paraguayan officials today announced that the machine intelligence known as Charles One has been destroyed, despite offical protests from several officials in the outer solar system. Defence Minister Carlos Araya said that Paraguayan law defines a person as a being with a soul, and their high court has ruled that machines could have intelligence but not souls, therefore evading any charges of illegal use of the death penalty. Charles One was sentenced to destruction on charges of 'wrecking' two years ago."

73. "Officals today marked the 75th anniversary of the firebombing of Jerusalem by planting olive trees at the site of the former Capitol building. Approximately 140,000 people were killed when unmarked aircraft unloaded fuel-air munitions over the city center. "

74. "China recalled their Vietnamese ambassador today as accusations were traded over the sinking of an artificial island in the South China Sea. China asserted that the island was destroyed with the underwater detonation of an antimatter bomb at it's facility on Gungzhao Reef, with all lives lost. Vietnam claims that the explostion was the result of 'illegal experiments on an illegal island.' "

75. "A tainted batch of Dance Dance Revolution has been pulled off of area dispensary shelves after code was found in the narcoalgorithms that caused knee joints to weaken and tear. Local insurance companies advised that until new testing measures are put in place, they will no longer pay for injuries caused as a result of using DDR."

The dog ate my signature

MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
South Africa has lifted its

South Africa has lifted its national quarantine today, after six months when it managed to purge, what has been deemed the, 'The Listlessness'. South Africa govt. is claiming that they were attacked by a weaponized mass mnemonic plague. At this time no State or Organization has taken responsibility.

The trans-mediterranean tunnel connecting Athens, Greece and Alexandria, Egypt has been completed today. The construction of the high speed tunnel is expected to begin sometime next year.

"Realms of the Light" have been register by the FDA today, as a controlled substance and the fifth MMO to be classified as such. The MMO is no longer for purchase, and its servers are being shut down within the week.

MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
The last coal power plant in

The last coal power plant in the world shut down, in People's Republic China. All megawatt plus conventional power plants, have been shutting down, as Fusion power plants have becoming cheaper and HE3 mines on Lunar have started to mature.

In an odd bit of news, it has been confirmed to a high degree of certainty that the historic space probe, known as Voyager 1 is missing. There have been several attempts to find the probe, with trans newtonian satellites, and the volume of space it could have drifted into have been surveyed after ten years. "There is no probe!" Exclaims, Dr. Toyata. "There no heat, there no metals that would be foreign to that part of the interstellar void. Nothing. Its gone. What happen to it?"

MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
Rumor has it, that there is

Rumor has it, that there is an honest to goodness Mystery Spot on the Saturnian moon of Pandora. Unlike Mystery Spots, along the American Pacific West coast, where it was often done through optical illusion, this region on Pandora seem to quote unquote, defy physics. With radio waves being able to "transmit faster" in the area, and lasers being turned into white light.

The New York Stock Exchange made a controversial decision today, when it decided to stop physical morphs on its Trade Floor, making purchases or sales. Mr. Albertson, the CTO of the Stock Exchange said today, "The numbers of physical morphs have been in the decline for the last ten years. In fact Ego trading has been the minority for numerous decades. We're simply speeding up a process that was already underway."

The UK announced today, that the last Church of England has closed its door. Europe has been declining in religiosity for the past century, its taken a dramatic decline with the ubiquity of Cortical Stacks and longevity treatments becoming much more affordable.

Russian Federation titanium deep bore mine suffered a major collapse, trapping 45 Ego's in Synth morphs. When the public pleaded with the government to rescue them, President Avrora Shishkina, said today, that it would be more humane to resleeved the workers from their last back ups. The trauma they suffered from being trapped would be to damaging. This did little to persuade the public, as most experts believe it will takes weeks for their morphs to shut down, and its fair more humane to rescue them. While other advocate that Russia is seeking the cheapest option. The amount of manpower and equipment needed to rescue them safely, far out weights the cost of 45 new morphs.

ORCACommander ORCACommander's picture
Scandal in the Sportsworld

Scandal in the Sportsworld today as an inquiry revealed the widespread use of unsanctioned Bioware in their athletes. Many are calling for the confiscation of the morphs in question. More to Follow at 18:00

Sad news today as the last living hummingbird died in captivity last night. The New York Zoo staff cite the cause of death as a digestion blockage caused by consumption of nanites. Authorities are unsure about the origin or make of the nanites but do not suspect any malicious intent. nanoecology activists GreyOrb are calling for an increased oversight in the use of nanotech.

Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

76. "Mass confusion and rioting reigns in the streets of Mombasa as reports surfaced that the President of the country, Laurence Mbibi, and several of his top ministers were seen leaving on several private jets three days earlier. This comes on the heels of what appeared to be the complete disappearance of hundreds of troops in an area approximately 40 miles from the city where antiguerrilla raids were taking place. A mass exodus has started north after rebels also failed to make an appearance or even a proclamation after the complete disruption of civil authority in the region."

77. "A new Hamilton cylinder is under construction in the region of Saturn, and will be accepting residents soon, according to Solaris executive and public spokesman Suhaim Bin Hamad Al Thani. Solaris is not involved in the construction, which is funded by private money, and Al Thani took pains to point out that he was not speaking in an official capacity for Solaris, but as part of the group of investors. The habitat will be called Salah, according to Al Thani, and will be accepting residents on a individual and family basis."

78. "Tomorrow yours truly with an exclusive - a LIVE INTERVIEW via broadcast from Manu Bhattacharya, leader of the Ultimates! His first public interview in four years, the leader of the Ultimates has not left their base in the cylinder Xiphos or talked to anyone in four years, but your intrepid reporter managed to snag an interview! Your donations will help bring more exclusives like this to your muse!"

79. "Officials on the Nuestro shell named Locus repeated today that there is no evidence that the so-called 'exoglots' have kidnapped anyone, let alone children. The rumor is still widely believed even though officials have repeatedly said that the children claimed missing by the scandal sheets are with their parents. Locus officals refuse to give ID's for any of the children claimed missing, citing a wish to protect the privacy of the families involved."

80. "SomaTek officials celebrated the 42nd birthday of their uplift spokeman Jumbles yesterday, with several Martian officials in attendance."

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MrWigggles MrWigggles's picture
The UN is in emergency

The UN is in emergency session today, when supposed war criminal, Kaleheed Al-Rahmin, manage to secure the presidency. Though many are feeling a sigh of relief, as the violent civil war that was ravaging the country should be coming to an end.

BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY! THESE PRICES WON'T LAST FOREVER! EVERYTHING BECOMES EVISCERATED BY THE VOID. CONSUME WHILE YOU CAN, ONLY EXPERIENCE MATTERS.
NOTHING ESCAPES THE VOID. THE VOID IS ETERNAL. THE VOID IS INFINITE. THE VOID WILL BECOME ALL.

Have you seen Ikajah?

The Federal Bureau of Investigation today, is being sued by the 'The Blighted Exhortation of the Chaotic Psyche', in the World Court. The FBI executed a raid on the habitat in Earth's orbit today, when their warrant by the United States of America's 8th Federal Circuit Court approved it. The warrant was to search the facility for illegal weapons, kidnapped egos, ego slavery, and illegal pyscho surgery. The 'The Blighted Exhortation of the Chaotic Psyche', argues in court that since their habitat is in Earth's Orbit that they were beyond the Jurisdiction of the US, and a sovereignty onto itself.

Gantolandon Gantolandon's picture
It probably won't surprise

It probably won't surprise anyone that the Nazi upload center, supposedly found in a well-hidden bunker in Wrocław, Poland, turned out to be an elaborate hoax. Dozens of corrupted magnetic tapes, supposedly manufactured by the genocidal regime and containing data resembling brainscans, were found to had been produced in a cornucopia machine. "This is the same tape, just copied over and over and then filled with data", explains Dr. Rudolph Schliemann from Lubeck University. "It is very unlikely every reel would have been similarly damaged and this is exactly what you can see when looking at them through the microscope.". History Now! spokesperson denies accusations of intentional falsehood, claiming it was a viral marketing campaign meant to raise awareness of historical research importance.

This means the rumors about Adolf Hitler's ego recently appearing on darkmesh torture servers are probably false as well. Experts point out that it's difficult, but not completely impossible to create an AGI thinking it was the infamous dictator.


Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

81. "Pirizo CEO Brandon Weathers resigned today following reports of unlicensed fabrication of exclusive clothing designs using their fabbers. The fabrication was said to be in the 'low tens of millions of credits' in damages, a suit filed in Texas state courts on behalf of Margrid Bausch, a designer known best for the Shifty line of clothing."

82. "An uplifted orca named Fin Blue was found today washed ashore near Alcatraz Island, four hundred miles and three days after he was reported missing by members of an ocean mining crew for Malleus Mining. He was described as having severe injuries over large portions of his body. Whatever caused it is unlikely to be found, police admit."

83. "A restored oil well and a working 20th century jet plane are among the exhibits at the 83rd Early Days festival in the Dallas area this week. A combination of actual technology from our ancestors and AR/VR exhibits will be on display this August, courtesy of the Ponz-Mellon Foundation.'

84. "Management of the Azba munitions factory located outside of Kiev today called upon the government to help them to enter the facility, which they claim has been illegally secured by the building's AI. A lawyer for the management also denied that the factory had been sold, although records of the sale were posted publicly, and government officials have said that all legalities appeared to be in order, while not ruling out a later entry for security reasons. The AI guarding the building has refused all communications."

85. "VidComNav officials testified today in a State Senate hearing about a Tactical Network software ban. The ban has been sought based on the reported rise in the use of the remote viewing software for public thefts. VidComNav CEO Gaz Forman said that the rise could also be blamed on the number of external cameras with increasing security problems, and that their software has great public value in allowing people to share real time problem information visually."

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Zarpaulus Zarpaulus's picture
MrWigggles wrote:#73 Jupiter

MrWigggles wrote:
#73 Jupiter Mining Corporation held a press conference today, confirming speculations and fears that its super massive cargo hauler and ore processor, 'Red Dwarf', is lost. A catastrophic failure in handling uranium ore, has caused the entire ship to become radiated. The AI, 'Holly', a Cognight eighth generation Muse, has taken emergency measures and plotted a new course to take the ship out of Sol. JMC has promised to provided all the workers lost, with new bodies and full pay.

I so have to stat out the Dwarfers.

Though I suspect Holly might actually be a Promethean. Who knows what might become of a seed AI after 3 million years?

Quote:
"The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes."
Redroverone Redroverone's picture
Cont.

86. "Convicted serial killer Andres Ortega today was sentenced in a North Atlantic Consortium court to 67 death sentences, to be served consecutively. The court announced that the sentence will be filled by Ortega being dispatched to mine Venus's surface for 66 of the sentences, with the final one being served in a maximum security compound near Reykjavik. Defense attorneys are preparing an appeal."

87. "The Xinuan Concern today announced a call for 500 more miners in the Jovian Belt, offering terms as low as five years labor for a new synthmorph to any workers willing to relocate off Earth."

88. "The WizBangBoom Awards for the Cool Hunters Association announced a new five year agreement to hold their ceremonies on Paradise Station. "

89. "Efficia officially closed their doors today after a failed attempt to sell the few remaining assets available, former Efficia President and CEO Magda Eris-Priops said in a final statement. After years of litigation and damage claims over the Efficia 6 system, no takers were willing to risk the threat of further legal action for what remained of the megacorp."

90. "Defense officals today remarked during Congressional hearings that China's budgetary increase for their Machine Intelligence Directorate would require a similar increased investment to not fall into an 'AGI gap'. Assistant Defense Secretary Pai Garewal testified that the '100 Flowers' network was a significant advance over US intelligence assets, and would require an increase in the budget for the Directorate of more than 40% to keep up."

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