Sample Character Notes (Thread title edited)

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Cyber-Dave Cyber-Dave's picture
Sample Character Notes (Thread title edited)

Svafa:

I think that there is an error on her character sheet. She is listed as having CAD. She has no other mental disorder. She, however, has Psi level 2. The rules for Psi level 2 say that one must take a 2nd mental disorder.

Likewise, the rules also say that characters should have at least 1 Psi-Slight, which you gain for free based on your infection. Svafa does not have that listed anywhere either...

[I edited this thread to make it a general sample character thread --Adam]

Chernoborg Chernoborg's picture
Some errata

These are a few things I've noticed :

Pg.2 - "xeno-planets" a matter of preference maybe but I think "exoplanets" is correct

Pg.3 - "insanity" is misspelled

Pg.4 - 2nd use of "went weird" as Firewall origin

Pg.5 - for Psi enabled characters should there be a listing of which strain they have?

Pg.6 - "Undisputable" should be "Undisputed"

Pg. 8 - "Invented Language" may be better as "Fictional Language"

Pg. 11 - Jake Carter is in a Slitheroid morph?

Pg.12 - "Meanwhile, the hypercorps continued to build their wealth,League officials got fat off corruption,and friends and family with no bodies languished as indentures." Is a big awkward sentence with a lot of commas. Maybe end one sentence at "wealth" and replace ",and" after "corruption" with "while"

Pg.12- "cracks about city" Life? Folk? Slickers? Dwellers?

Pg.22- quotation marks around "fuck"? Seems kinda in character though!I

Pg. 24 - "infu- gee"

Pg.26 - no mention of Chi in Amal's bio

Pg.29 - as mentioned Sváfa has no Psi sleights listed

Pg.30 - I'm not sure but I thought Chi used "they" pronouns. Could be wrong about that though.

Current Status: Highly Distracted building Gatecrashing systems in Universe Sandbox!

Cyber-Dave Cyber-Dave's picture
Just one quick comment about

Just one quick comment about this feedback:

Quote:
Pg.12 - "Meanwhile, the hypercorps continued to build their wealth, League officials got fat off corruption, and friends and family with no bodies languished as indentures." Is a big awkward sentence with a lot of commas. Maybe end one sentence at "wealth" and replace ",and" after "corruption" with "while"

Stylistically, one might not like long sentences. However, in its current form, the quoted text is grammatically correct. If you follow the quoted suggestion, you should also get rid of the comma between "corruption" and the new use of "while." That being said, the change would transform the content into two separate ideas, one of which is bifurcated into two components, while the current format provides the impression of three separate but equally important ideas. Personally, I think I like it more as is. I don't find it awkward, but then, I'm used to reading material with lots of long sentences, so maybe I'm a misleading case study.

Chernoborg Chernoborg's picture
Me? Wrong? Happens all the time!

Ha, I stand corrected! Should have known not to stray too far into the grammar pool ! Upon further reading, I've also found more instances of Chi referred to with female pronouns, so that's good too!

Current Status: Highly Distracted building Gatecrashing systems in Universe Sandbox!